5 Tips for Coping with Toddler Tantrums

Free will is a real pain, huh? As soon as kids get it, it is all about the no’s and the why’s and what’s; of course this is frustrating as the timing is always at the worst possible moments. When you are trying to get something done or have somewhere to be usually. Of course, you try to handle it but before you know it, negotiations have turned sour and you find yourself stressed, panicking, in the middle of a meltdown and still with things to do and places to be. Typically, that year and a half to three year mark is a difficult one because so much is going on developmentally. For those dealing with developmental special needs, it can be even more trying as things can start earlier, later, or just escalate much further. When coping with toddler tantrums, there are things that will help somewhat.

Keep them Engaged

Every child, and every situation is different… but sometimes a tantrun can be met by unmet needs at a time where the child is learning and absorbing things at an intense pace. Having a safe space for the little one to explore their motor skills and sensory perception can go a very long way in keeping the calm. If this isn’t something you can provide from home, then you could consider booking toddler day care in Reston, VA (or the equivilent for where you live).

Try to Find the Cause

Of course, there are exceptions but most temper tantrums in children (perhaps even adults) come from being unsure of how to communicate. It could all be because they’re feeling frustrated, indecisive, tired with feelings of missing out, want cuddles, want to be alone or they are sad and just don’t know why. However, these feelings can be hard to articulate, especially as a child and that leads to lashing out. Once that starts, they simply don’t know how to stop. You could compare it to a volcano spewing molten lava.

So, try to reach out or consider the situation around the meltdown. What was the reason? It might be that you have no way of knowing but if you do, you have a vital tool in defusing and avoiding the situation in the future.

Try Not to Lose Your Cool

On occasion you will.

Sometimes, things will get too much and you’ll snap or say the wrong thing or get impatient or upset. That’s OK. You need to know that these things happen. I’m pretty sure we all have a parent guilt story where we did just that. Maybe more than we can even count or remember. Parenting is hard and it comes in so many different flavours.

Getting distressed, upset or angry won’t end the tantrum though. All it will do is make you feel the absolute worse. The best thing you can do is to stay calm. Easier said than done, sure. I get that. You are in an impossible situation; you’re put under intense pressure with a human capable of expressing their emotions in outbursts but not in communicating them verbally, All I am saying is try not to, you’ll feel better for it if you can stay frosty.

Try the “Look Over There” Approach

There is something immensely satisfying in stopping an explosion before it starts. After a while, you see signs, you know when one is coming and with that comes a potential tool in your belt. The ability to distract. Sure, this isn’t a sure fire hit and won’t always work. Regardless, it is worth a try and by putting on a gentle but suddenly shocked voice and pointing out something interesting or unexpected you can sometimes move them on past their current concern.

Try to Wait it Out

If talking, distracting, soothing and addressing the root cause doesn’t work. You’ll need to try to wait the whole thing out. Most of the time, these things seem longer than they are and things pass soon enough. If things continue across a longer period (hours, days, nights etc) then this could be a sign of more complex issues (as SEN parents can verify) and you should seek immediate medical advice initially and if that does not help, then more long term medical guidance; so that everyone gets the support they need.

Try to Accept This is Natural

Finally, no-one likes being screamed, shouted and lashed out at. This is a natural part of growing up though and also a common component of many developmental conditions too. Accepting and coming to terms with this fact is important. That said, I don’t mean that you should let it fly, accept abuse or do nothing. Far from it. Your wellbeing is important and their safety and growth is paramount. What I am saying is to let go of any guilt of feelings of failure; because, there is none when coping with toddler fueled tantrums.

*Disclosure: This is a collaborative post