Guest Post by Peter Black – Author of Cool That Volcano

As a blogger, you get the opportunity to work with a wide variety of people, industries and products. However, sometimes a person or product comes along at just the right time and resonates in just the right way. Peter Black, author of Cool that Volcano is one such person with one such product.

The psychologist turned author reached out to me at a time when I was thinking a lot about toxic masculinity, the causes of it and how management of childhood anger could help do a lot to essentially detox at a societal level. Similarly, the importance of emotional well-being, maturity and health had also been on my mind for children and adults alike. So, his timing couldn’t have been more prudent. At the time I discussed this with my partner and we concluded that working with Pete was a natural and good fit. This viewpoint was further reinforced as we communicated about our collaboration and proved to be a very patient, down-to-earth and pleasant person to work with.

More to the point, on reading Cool That Volcano; I found a book with lots of useful analogies, observations and techniques from an author who consistently acknowledged that I know my children best. Getting practical, useful advice that doesn’t devalue your own experience but also genuinely insightful and helpful is incredibly difficult. On finishing my second reading today, I firmly believe this is the case with this book.

Regular readers might realise that an introduction to a guest post like this is not typical of me. Well, you are right. I wanted to take a moment to thank Peter for his very useful and informative post, to express that despite being provided with a free copy of his book to read; I picked up a copy of the audiobook version today and would recommend giving it a listen and finally to announce that courtesy of the author; I have three copies of Cool That Volcano to give away.

Giveaway

To win a copy of the book, enter via Rafflecopter below. Ends 08/12/19. Other T&Cs apply.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Good luck to all entrants and without further adieu, I present Peter Black…

Guest Post by Peter Black – Author of Cool That Volcano

Emotional management is a skill that I feel has been greatly neglected in our education system, and society more generally. Not having these crucial skills, I think, has led to some really negative consequences for the people I have worked with professionally in my life (as well as the people around them). As a psychologist with over 15 years of experience, working with adult men who have always struggled to understand, process, express and manage their emotions, I very quickly noticed a theme – these people were not taught how to do these things as children.

This was the key motivation for me, to write ‘Cool That Volcano’, a book which is designed to help parents, teachers, and caregivers teach children how to understand and process their emotions safely. The book is not about stifling or ignoring feelings, it’s about how to understand and process them safely and productively.

There are many reasons why improving emotional management skills is such a worthy process. Below are some of the reasons this is a good idea, covered in the book:

Good feelings – Managing our feelings in difficult situations can be very rewarding, as can being someone who is considered skilled at this more generally. If children are able to manage their feelings, and this is noticed and reinforced by the adults around them, they can experience a range of positive feelings, such as pride and excitement, and these types of positive feelings are very powerful reinforcers, as most adults will attest to.

School – We all know how important this part of our lives is, yet it happens at the point of our lives when we are the least equipped to deal with it! Anyway, school can be a testing environment for the best of us, and most children want to do as well as their academic abilities allow, whether that is to please their teachers, us, or just because they are naturally motivated children. One thing that can be significantly disruptive to learning though, is a child’s inability to stay calm in the classroom environment. Therefore, one benefit to discuss with your children is the idea that if they can manage their feelings, they are much more likely to succeed when it comes to learning, not least because they can actually concentrate on what is being taught, as opposed to erupting all over the place.

Role-modelling – A lot of children will have other, younger children in their lives, such as siblings or cousins. Children can feel rewarded by thinking of themselves as having grown up responsibilities, such as being a good role-model. Being someone that younger people can look up to is a great way of selling the idea of effective emotional management to children. If they understand that other children will watch and learn from them, they might want to make sure they’re doing everything they can to manage their feelings.

Friendships – In the formative years, children are learning how to attain and maintain friendships with other people. Indeed, at this point in life, friendships feel very important, and I’m sure you’ve already had experiences with children who are distraught because they have fallen out with friends for one reason for another. One reason that children can fall out with each other is poor emotional management. There is an opportunity to talk to children about how good emotional management will mean that they are less unpredictable, and this will make it easier for others to be friends with them. We all know what it’s like to have someone in our lives who can just explode for apparently no reason. Spending time with that person can be stressful and hard work. We don’t want to feel like we’re walking on egg shells, because others cannot manage their feelings. The same applies to children.

Good choices – We all know how calm we are will directly impact on the types of decisions we make, and how much quality there is to our thinking. We know that the hotter the volcano, the lower quality our decision making is going to be. We need to help our children understand this relationship. We want them to understand that they need to keep their volcanos cool so they can make good choices. This success will become self-evident as they begin to observe that their good choices become successful in a compounded way, just like consistently bad choices can snowball into much bigger problems than originally existed. We can help our children understand that keeping the volcano cool is central to this process.

Bullying avoidance – One of the sad facts of life is the extent of bullying that exists in the world. It is an evil cancerous pastime and one that needs to be tackled head on, rather than ignored or swept under the carpet. It’s probably impossible for children to get through school without ever experiencing bullying, or situations in which other children are unkind to them. One thing that can make children vulnerable to bullying is the ability to be wound up. I know as a child that it was very entertaining to wind someone up and watch the rocket go off. Often, the person who ends up getting into trouble is the one who has blown their top, as opposed to the person who caused the problem. We all know those wind up merchants who just love to load the gun and pass it to someone else to fire. We need to help our children ensure they are not accepting these ‘loaded guns.’ If your child can keep their volcano cool more often than not, they are going to offer very limited entertainment to other children. Bullies are then more likely to move on and try their luck on some other unfortunate child.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post, and I hope it has been of some use to you. As a thank you for reading the post, please click here to download a free printable poster which covers the main calming techniques you can use with your child.

The book is available for purchase here, on Amazon, and can be bought in either eBook or paperback.

* This is a collaborative post with guest content by author Peter Black