A Few Thoughts About International Men’s Day

The way International Men’s Day was originally presented to me; was that it reeked of an anti-feminism grasp for attention.

Men demanding rights and acknowledgement who have always had these things and it’s hard to be sympathetic about that, because, well you know, the whole last 200,000 years (or thereabouts) of human history or I guess 6,000 if we’re talking ‘civilized’ society and such.

The thing is, that isn’t what IMD is about. Of course it isn’t! I hate that people detract from a positive message with this sort of thing. I dislike that my natural empathy means that for a few short moments, I saw that point. However, the core pillars of the movement are:

• Male health
• Improving gender relations
• Promoting equality
• Promoting humanitarian values
• Highlighting positive male role models

There is still this obscene stigma around talking about testicular and prostate cancer, the same is true for mental health. I can’t speak much on the cancer side of things, but the mental health aspect is something I have deep understanding of.

IMD’s focus on the abysmal (although declining) suicide and homeless rates or the gender disparity in sentencing is something I stand for wholeheartedly. I also, believe it is a good platform for showing appreciation to the females in your life. For example, I personally would not have the strength to fill my role as dad without support from my mum and sister. It isn’t emasculating to need support, it strengthens everyone involved.

The thing is, wouldn’t have to lean on the women in my life if gender equality was better realised, with equal salaries for women and equal opportunities. By this I mean that all the pressure of providing and being strong is culturally put on men but if actual equality was achieved in society, then gender would not play a factor in this. I said it falls on my female family to be my support, isn’t that a problem in itself? Doesn’t that suggest a toxic masculinity where being open and honest to other men is still an issue?

It does!

I have suffered with stress (some symptoms are available here), I often suspect it will be the death of me. So, now I talk and I seek support when I need it. Being strong just doesn’t mean what it used to, the world has changed, we have changed. When you say stupid things like “man-up” you aren’t giving a pep talk, you’re being an ass.

So, here, we are. International Men’s Day should not be seen an anti-feminist statement (which it never was) and must be recognised as a cause that means something.

You see; my son, I see a lot of myself in him. A lovable little boy with a big heart (like myself at that age). He wants to impress everyone and sometimes gets in trouble for it.

He is a geek. He memorises dinosaurs, animals, Pokémon and facts. The boy, doesn’t like sports all that much and often feels excluded for it. In a way, he is me and I am him. His personality echoes my childhood but there’s nothing wrong with that, right? I love him. I mean, he drives me mad but I do love him and I want him to understand that just because he has a penis and not a vagina doesn’t mean that he can’t talk, that he has to bottle stuff up and soldier right on through. The thought of him in hospital, unable to think straight because of male pride is painful. These echoes I’d like to fade away before he grows to be a man.

What I’m saying, is that International Men’s Day is a cause worth promoting and balls to all who say otherwise.

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