Helping Your Teenager Transition To Uni

Transition is rarely simple. When it comes to our kids, there is a balance to be struck between offering them guidance, respecting their boundaries and giving support. How common these moments are in your child’s life depends on a number of factors. However, two of the most difficult transitions are from child to teenager and then from teenager to adult. The latter is made more complicated if uni is a factor too. Honestly, with record numbers of young people now going to university in the UK, it could well be. Whilst it can seem daunting, helping your teenager transition to uni doesn’t have to be complicated.

Aiding the transition has many different considerations. How involved you are really depends on how comfortable they are. Establishing healthy boundaries sets the right tone for encouraging healthy relationships. You want them to have freedom and independence and you should always give them enough space to feel like they’re getting that. But, this doesn’t mean distancing yourself from your teen, let them know that they can come to you as little or much as they need to. You’re the supporting character in this chapter of their story, but that doesn’t mean you have a small role on their journey. So, with that in mind, here are a few ways you can help your teenager in their uni transition:

• Ask them what they need, don’t assume. This shows trust in their ability to decide for themselves when they need help and to come to you if they need to.
• Enable and facilitate independence but don’t strip them of their comforts. Adapting to uni might take time and the academic and social pressure might be daunting at times. Never deny your teenager the option of coming home if they need to. Not doing so will just isolate them if they are struggling. They’ll find their feet eventually.
• If you are associated with the uni yourself; a member of the board, the faculty or even simply the one who buys the custom designed rugby kit for universities every year; be open. Explain what your role is and what this means for them. Doing so, sets clear expectations of where you both stand and offers reassurance that your presence and theirs are completely independent..
• You don’t need to invite your teen home every weekend but stay in touch with texts and calls. You may not want to cramp their style, and they don’t want you to, either. It’s okay to be worried about your kids, but you don’t want to smother them. Let them know that you’re there for them when they need.
• Your child isn’t a child any more. They’re a young adult. You don’t need to be telling them when to wash, what to eat or how to spend their time. They can make their own decisions and own the results. Doing so, will only come across as overstepping boundaries or as nagging. This will make it more difficult for them to come to you for help if they actually need it.
• Be patient and have realistic expectations. Don’t expect constant contact or checking in, just let them know that you’re there for them no matter what. Silence doesn’t mean they’re in trouble, either, so don’t panic. It is OK to check in every once in a while but teenager is an adult now, with adult lives. They’ll be juggling studies, work and their social life among other things. More than that though, they’ll be out there living their lives and experiencing the world. That isn’t a bad thing.

Preparation is vital for all of you, just remember that it is emotional for all and your teen may not be the only one making a transition.

* This is a collaborative post

The Busy Papa

Also known as Aaron, The Busy Papa focuses on lifestyle, parenting and personal wellbeing content. He has two decades experience in creative writing (including several published poems) and strongly dislikes (though tolerates) tomatoes.