Someone Needs to Save Bing Bunny

Disclaimer: the contents of this post (no matter how badly) are intended as parody and humour and advice should not be taken too literally.

Bing Bunny is in Mortal Danger

Don’t deny it.  Bing, the bunny famous to parents and toddlers worldwide is living in a toxic environment.

He needs saving. Someone needs to save Bing Bunny and all his other toddler pals.

I’ve Been a Parent Since 2012

I know things!

Experience has taught me that children exist to push you beyond breaking point. Meaning, yes, they break you and you rebuild yourself as something else. Sometimes as parent of the year but more often than not something more bitter, twisted and cynical. This happens even to the best of us, Mr or Ms Squeaky Clean with the perfect house and well-behaved children are either better liars than you, or they’ve outsourced the issue.

Speaking of Outsourcing…

Bing’s parentage.

Why is Bing’s Daddy so small?

Where are Bing’s Mummy and Daddy?

I’m all for non-conventional relationships.

Who cares what you are; gay, straight, single, adopted, traditional, or a beanbag monstrosity – you all deserve to be called Mummy or Daddy. Still, Bing’s reluctance to call Flop anything other than Flop gives me pause for thought.

Clearly, Flop is not Bing’s dad in the traditional sense. I would say adopted maybe, but the fact that the other sentient toys exist, each with their own oversized talking animal to torment them, makes me think maybe not.

So carer then?

This seems feasible… I mean, shoving your kids to the nearest nanny, nursery or living relative is nothing new, right? However, Bing’s family situation and that of all the toddler’s in the neighbourhood is conspicuous by its absence.

Something doesn’t sit right with Flop. Calm, collected and most probably crazy, Flop.

Yes, We’re Going There

As I said before:

I know things. One of the things I know whole-heartedly is that Flop is not healthy.

Children are leeches and your patience, life, time, dreams and mental well-being is the blood. That’s not to say that kids aren’t great too!

My five-year old is an amazingly complex (if not demanding) human-being with so much of me in him. My not-quite two-year old, has the most gorgeous hair and argumentatively stubborn attitude. A teen in the body of a toddler.

Both are a blend of sweet and sour. I love them. I don’t always like the way they act though. This doesn’t mean I stop nurturing or verbally put them down, no, there is a word for that. It means I go to the kitchen or toilet and for the twenty seconds it takes for them to find me, I recompose myself or fantasise about pizza.

Flop, he has an answer for everything and it’s always so damn cutesy. I don’t buy it! This leads me to one of three possible conclusions…

The Toy People are Not Real

Okay, I’m not delusional, I know Bing is a kid’s show and none of it is real.

What I’m saying is that Flop, Padget and Amma (the ‘carers’) are coping mechanisms of Bing, Sula, Coco, Pando (and whoever else I’ve missed). In other words… they’re imaginary.

Trump got his way, we all went to war, everyone died, but somewhere in some neighbourhood; a few kids survived though it’s too much to accept reality for them.

The Whole Town is a Cult

Bing and friends were abducted at a young age and are being conditioned to be loyal servants of the cult.

To be indoctrinated; they have to be nurtured and stripped of negative emotions hence the eerie level of calm as Bing and the other animals are much larger and potentially pose a threat.

Likely the cult intends to take advantage of the size of these animal people and use them for some kind of labour, I imagine it is difficult for the smaller masters who are little bigger than a table leg.

It’s a Kids TV Show and Doesn’t Matter

Unacceptable conclusion.

So, Bing Needs to Be Saved

Looking at things in this light, it is clear that Bing is in danger.

The toddler rabbit is either all alone or undergoing some form of conditioning.

I have not put too much thought into this. I’m not being a weirdo.

Saving Bing. It’s a Bing Thing…

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