How to Help Someone in Distress
Table of Contents
What is Distress?
When we say ‘distress’ in this context we are often referring to psychological distress. This is a high-level term for being unable to function in some way due to negative emotions. Whilst there might be individual terms for more specific scenarios; distress is the generalisation we use for when undesirable feelings impact our day-to-day living. Of course, there are any number of scenarios where this could happen. A common situation is the loss of a loved one. Let’s say a close friend passes on. You and your friends might react differently to this. You’re all sad of course and all cared equally for this friend but somehow you manage to cope with the events. However, one of your friends doesn’t cope so well. This friend could be in distress and might need your help, support and reassurance.
This is important to realise; distress is subjective, we all react differently. It’s variable based on the circumstantial cause and the contextual situation of the individual experiencing it; meaning that the perception and reaction can differ extremely for the same event in even the same person. Distress like this can lead to lasting mental illness, feelings of anxiety, depression, lack of focus and negative views of people, events and places.
How Can You Help When Someone is in Distress?
Any one of us can be is a distressing situation. Recently, I was in a collision with a neighbour’s car whilst renting a van. It being my first accident and me being quite anxious at the time; I was in a bad state after. Arguably, distressed. Luckily, I had a partner, friends, a couple of strangers and family to help and support me whilst I processed and worked through events. However, how do you help someone in distress?
Talk
Be gentle, not invasive and get a gauge for how they are. Don’t push them into discussing the problem; if you talk about other things that’s OK. However, if they choose to discuss the trigger with you, offer a reassuring tone.
Comfort and support is priority. By talking, this is what you are offering. Your goal is not to coax information out of the distressed but to help them feel safe.
Be Accepting and Open-Minded
No-one wants to feel misunderstood or judged but in reacting the wrong way, this is exactly how we make people feel. The least helpful attitude to take is to compare problems to your own or to call-out someone else’s as ‘not that bad’ or accuse them of ‘blowing things out of proportion’.
Listen and accept; if someone distressed chooses to talk, it is because they need the support and have chosen to confide in you and express themselves. As they do, practice and demonstrate empathy and be mindful of how you would feel in their state.
Be Respectful in Your Interactions
When supporting someone who is suffering from distress it is very important to be respectful in how you deal with them.
Listen and do not talk over them. Regularly interrupting and talking over someone makes them feel like they’re not being listened to, taken seriously or what they have to say isn’t worth hearing. This isn’t helpful.
If anything is told in confidence, unless they are a danger to themselves and others then (in reason) do not gossip about them. Even if you think you are helping and sharing the burden. This will break their trust of you and of others who try and help in the future. Reassure them of your confidentiality and make sure you keep it.
Don’t Over-Commit Yourself or Over-Reach
Helping is difficult when someone has worked themselves into a state. Talking is a necessity, maybe they’ll talk back, maybe not. The role you can play has limits, however. You can make them comfortable, ask if they’d like to sit down (insist, though not aggressively if they’re shaky). Offer a drink if it is possible. Hell, you can even offer advice and may be able to offer a great deal of help and support even. Just don’t be pushy and don’t over-step boundaries. This could make communication more difficult and lead to further issues. Be aware that you cannot take on all their burdens and solve every problem. Some things are beyond you and more to the point, this might not even be welcome. Do not make promises you can’t keep and don’t commit to being present in a capacity you cannot.
If Required; Help Them Seek Additional Help
When you can’t help, what you can do is help them find someone who can. Remembering to keep things in confidence, you might be able to help the individual connect with a friend, family member or colleague who can. Don’t spring this on anyone of course and don’t reveal any situation you’ve been told in trust but make sure all parties are OK with this.
If all else fails, professional help is an option. Therapy and medication have a solid place in the recovery of distress. Of course, it all depends of the situation and context surrounding it.
The Busy Papa
Also known as Aaron, The Busy Papa focuses on lifestyle, parenting and personal wellbeing content. He has two decades experience in creative writing (including several published poems) and strongly dislikes (though tolerates) tomatoes.
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