Am I an Adult with Autism?

So, wow. Here I am, I’m writing this. To be honest, I’m shaking. Not out of fear or anxiety but the overwhelming nature of putting this into words. You see, things haven’t always been straightforward for me. My whole life I have thought differently, sensed differently and struggled differently to most people around me. I justified this by telling myself I was broken, I believed that time and time again. It was something that bullies re-enforced growing up. Even friends and adults in positions to support have done so. I never allowed myself to step back and realise that perhaps my mental health struggles, my vulnerability to stress and inability to process information or deal with sensory overloads might be developmental issues rather than solely mental ones. Now, I am ready to finally get an answer to the question; am I an adult with autism?

SPD

When my son was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder; it hit me that as an adult I have this too. His sensitivity was in direct parallel to my own, both as a child and as an adult. It dawned on me that I had this growing up and was punished by peers and even elders for it. I both understood his position and finally my own in that moment. During that time, I didn’t have clarity. I was struggling with many things from all walks of my life. I did not get the official diagnosis and I was not in a position to look further. Today I am.

Wondering

I have worked with autism before, both in adults and children. I have recognised similarities but have not been in a position to make connections. Usually due to my mental health. Sometimes due to situations I have been dealing with. However, it was made as a joke at me a few times and I have wondered occasionally.

Today

I look at the way that I can only focus in sensory minimised environments, the way I fixate, the enormity that stress hits me and escalates and my discomfort around certain situations and I wonder. The way I worry about the unfamiliar, monologue, struggle with my senses and associate are all possibly signs too. So, I’ve decided to get the ball rolling. To find out. If I’m honest, I’m a little scared but knowing if I am or not or getting a diagnosis if anything else could change my life for the better. It could finally give much needed context and break the loop of me blaming my struggles on me being broken. Today, I’m making an appointment and so begins my journey of discovery. I don’t know if I’m an adult with autism but I intend to find out.

The Busy Papa

Also known as Aaron, The Busy Papa focuses on lifestyle, parenting and personal wellbeing content. He has two decades experience in creative writing (including several published poems) and strongly dislikes (though tolerates) tomatoes.