Find Your Brave Criticism – Children’s Mental Health Week 2020

Mental Health Week 2020 is raising awareness with the slogan Find Your Brave, whilst the concept of speaking up is one that is vitally important I do have a criticism. For children and adults alike; and, of course, it is a significant act of bravery to do so. Admitting to yourself that you are suffering takes a lot of courage and progressing from coming to this conclusion, accepting it and seeking the help that you need is an extreme act of courage.

The Duchess of Cambridge Issued a Statement this Week

It said “while we might not always feel brave inside, even the smallest act – such as sharing a worry or asking for help – can be incredibly courageous”, that “Helping children to feel confident about seeking support can have a transformational impact on their lives” and “Learning these skills early in life can give children tools to cope with future challenges they may face in adulthood. Our long-term ambition is to bring about positive, lasting change for generations to come. I’d love schools and families across the country to take part in the week to help children and young people to ‘find their brave’.”

I Completely Agree that it is Brave to Talk about Your Mental Health

As someone a mental health advocate and someone who has suffered with mental health issues since childhood, I am struggling a little with this well-meaning and ultimately positive message. I think that kids need to do this, and it has to be encouraged to ensure we end this toxic stigma and make powerful changes going forward. Whilst I am no royalist, a lot of people are, and I think that it is very important that children have positive role models from all walks of life encouraging them talk about these serious issues. So, I applaud and appreciate the message.

The thing that bothers me, is that I am not sure the message is as positive as the intent. I get that this could be an issue with me and I really do appreciate and get behind the intent here. However, I am still hung up on the message.

Find Your Brave

I’ve mentioned before how I have concerns with the message, that I think we need to be careful how we use the word ‘bravery’ and what we say.

In a world where young boys (and even grown men) are told to ‘man up’ or are emasculated for having fears and anxieties; my fear in helping children ‘find their brave’ is that it implies it is hidden, lost or not there if they can’t.

Never Something Lost

Now, I realise this is not the message and that Place2Be, the Duchess of Cambridge and everyone involved are actually stating the opposite. Or, are intending to. I get this, I also realise that the hang ups could be my own. A combination of my situation growing up, my mental health and perhaps even the potential autism. So, this isn’t a case of I don’t get it.

I’m also not trying to be negative here, the whole event and the people involved are doing a fantastic job. This isn’t about discrediting.

What this is about is something I have learned in my journey to adulthood, overcome negativity and finding my happiness.

It is never best to attack these things in a way where someone can feel like they are missing, can’t find or have had something taken away.

Most parents of autistic children will tell you this is a big no-no.

The Problem is in the Finding

Finding implies that you lost something.

Talking about mental health is difficult. More so as a child. A kid could be suffering from depression or anxiety and then has to deal with; their peers, adults who (unfortunately) automatically devalue their battles and of course their own head.

Confiding and asking for help is the right thing to do, absolutely. Undoubtedly it is brave to do so too. However, what if they can’t? What if they aren’t there yet? They don’t have the right adult in their life, or their friends don’t get it?

Of course, they should still talk, they should still find someone, but it isn’t that easy. Now, what they are left with is a feeling of failure, inadequacy and isolation; all because they feel as though they couldn’t be brave, that they didn’t have it in them this time. They’ll ask themselves if they ever will.

Always Something Gained

Here’s the deal.

The message is almost there. Bravery and courage is the right of it. Finding something, is something gained, it is having something you didn’t. However, ‘finding’ gives the impression that it is missing if the sufferer can’t. That’s not right!

We can’t have children struggling with mental health issues feeling like they have failed when it isn’t there. During a bad day or an impossible situation.

What we need to do is raise awareness, communicate, respect their boundaries and be educated about mental health issues ourselves too. Words of encouragement such as bravery and courage have their place but should not be used in a way where they can form inadequacies, comparisons or guilt trips. We need to see child mental health as equal to our own in severity and nuance.

A child should be told they’ve been brave, not asked to be brave