How to Recognise a Panda Dad

Not too long ago I wrote a guest post about the animal themed parenting methods. In the post I declared that I’m a bit of a panda dad, but what does that mean?

A Response to the Tiger Mum

 

So, the panda methodology (although pre-existing of course under different names) came about largely in response to the tiger mum/mom trend. Prominent in China, the ‘tiger mom’ phenomenon has parents take an authoritarian parenting stance where success is rigidly defined, and the child is held to high standards under strict conditions.

Naturally, this isn’t for everyone!

Unsurprisingly, a counter style formed. An American writer (Aaron Paul) living in China with his wife and kids noted that although Chinese children are widely considered educationally high achieving there are many who see innovation and creativity sorely missing as result. The idea being that some value independence, confidence and competence over traditional or more rigid paradigms for successful upbringing. With this, he coined the term panda dad and exclaimed that he parents with cuddliness (but isn’t afraid to show some claw).

To be clear, a panda dad is not the opposite of a tiger mum (nor does it mean that there can’t be a panda mum or a tiger dad).

How to Recognise a Panda Dad

 

The idea is that the PD values independence and affection over rigid control but that doesn’t ignore discipline or guidance (I don’t like to but a firm bark or a trip to timeout is necessary sometimes but so is a chat as to why).

It’s about promoting love, independent thinking and self-esteem in your child’s development. Over on Jaki Jellz I said:

A panda parent does not structure their child’s life as much as guide them into it.  The parent’s role is to supervise and encourage rather than dictate how their time is spent.  The focus is on learning through play (or doing) rather than academics (unless of course academics are vital or of specific interest to the child).  The child’s self-worth is heavily emphasised.  A panda parent is likely to cuddle their child a lot.

This covers a lot of how you might recognise a panda dad. To go into it a bit further though:

• The parent encourages independent play and learning (which isn’t the same as saying they don’t play with the children or help with their homework).
• Love and affection are expressed freely rather than having the little ones feel that they must be ‘earned’.
• The house, the day and life in general aren’t all neat and tidy or prim and proper for the panda parent. It is controlled chaos. The day is not rigidly scheduled and there’s no freaking out if things are running a little bit late. Breakfast isn’t at 7am sharp every day. PD only controls as much as is necessary for their cub’s wellbeing.
• When it comes to discipline, there are rules; there is a punishment but there is some flexibility (depending on the situation). Conflict ends in a discussion and a cuddle.

The Thing About Panda Dad’s Is…

It isn’t right or wrong to be one. Whether you’re making the right choice depends on what your children need and who you are. Parenting is not as simple as right or wrong when it comes to how you raise your kids.

Of course all this is based on existing trends and terminologies and doesn’t reflect my own beliefs on gender normatives.